My relationship with my ex-husband and his wife is healthy, loving and we all do what is best for the our children.
We have a mutual respect and get along well. We spend time together at games like we always have, we have a good times together like we use to and my daughter has a great loving relationship with her father.
Everything is forgiven and forgotten. And we move on as a happy co-creative family.
I am practicing forgivness and really trying not to focus on what has happened.
My teenage daughter, her father and his wife have not been getting along. She has been coming home miserable from her weekend visits and it’s been getting worse.
I sent him a sincere message suggesting that we all sit down and figure out what is going on with her, why they are not communicating and see if we can come up with a solution. We always had good communication, so I thought the suggestion would be well received.
Essentially, my ex-husband forwarded my message to his wife, his wife responded to him BUT ACCIDENTLY SENT IT TO ME!.
It was the most venomous, heartless, hateful email I have ever seen. The hateful remarks she made about me and my daughter were unbelievable and I was shocked at first and then devastated.
I was really hurt because for years I thought we had a good relationship, we talked, we would sit together at the kids football games, I really believed we were all partners in raising the kids and I took pride in the fact that I had a good relationship with my ex-husband and his wife.
Little did I know how she REALLY felt about me and my daughter and my heart was broken.
I don’t know how to fix this.
A few good suggestions here:
You may want to think about. The relationship may need to be approached differently with her dad. I would suggest you look at whether you are caretaking her father’s relationship. Your daughter is old enough now to discuss with him. I would suggest your daughter ask her father, What kind of relationship do you want? For her to tell her father what kind of relationship she wants. But she needs to be respectful to him as her father. I have done this with my daughter and has brought us a lot closer emotionally. It take the emotion out of your realm and places the responsibility between them. It will help them BOTH grow in their relationship. She will appreciate you more in the long run.
Give people the responsibilty for the relationship.
I can only imagine how it must have felt as you read that e-mail — I know there must be a sense of betrayal as well as everything else.
I don’t believe there are ever “accidents.” You got that e-mail so that you would know the truth that your daughter was speaking.
I also believe that what your ex’s wife was expressing was really about HER not you. We only express what we are.
As other’s have said, this is an opportunity — to forgive her, to realize this was really a cry for attention from her husband, and to have compassion that her feelings about her life are so terrible — this is not about you and your daughter — you can just BE love.
And of course, let your daughter decide where she wants to be.