Anyway, let’s focus on you. i completely understand how you feel. i listen to friends of mine every day talk about how awesome they are at starving themselves — “oh, i only ate three pretzel chips today!!”…. kill me. that is not healthy, and i don’t care how effing skinny you are, IT’S UNHEALTHY. so don’t do that. you’ve got to start taking your own advice, because if you don’t, then the advice you are giving to others is empty. if you can tell someone else that weight doesn’t matter and they are beautiful no matter what size they are, but you don’t believe that and apply that to yourself, then those words mean nothing to that person. you have to believe what you say and you have to understand that you aren’t unworthy of feeling beautiful. you have a boyfriend who clearly loves you for you, and you are very lucky in that, because i know plenty of people who cannot say the same — and they range from sizes 2 to 20, so it’s not about the weight.
I’m not sure what you are thinking if you are reading this, but you might be thinking, “why should i listen to this random stranger?” well, i think you should listen to me because i am literally the same person as you — or at least i was. after my last breakup my ex decided to lash out at me and told me that no one will ever love me again because I’m fat, that he was always embarrassed to be seen with me, that people always wondered what a guy like him was doing with a girl like me. and i got depressed, and i stopped working out, and i ate. a lot. and i gained — a lot. i felt like, what is the point? then one day i woke up, and i snapped out of it. i got up, and i started to exercise again (which I always enjoyed, because i was a soccer player myself, but never thin like your cousin). and i did it for me. and i lost the weight i had gained, and i felt so much better about myself! it no longer mattered what my mom or my friends or my ex or some person on the street thought about me or my clothes, all that mattered was how I felt in my clothes and in my own skin. you have to get to the point where you get SELFISH and start taking care of YOURSELF because YOU deserve it, not because anyone else thinks you should (even your own mom).
and here’s another little piece of info that once i accepted, i slept better at night: no matter what size you are, no matter what you look like, someone somewhere will have a problem with it. whether I’m a size 6 or a size 16, someone will have something to say. maybe it won’t be about weight, maybe it will be about my hair color, or my skin color, or my choice of clothes that day, or my nose, or something. people will ALWAYS find something to say, because it makes them feel better about their own insecurities. and understand that it’s natural to feel insecure — EVERYONE feels insecure at one time or another, and anyone who says they don’t is lying through their teeth.
just start waking up in the morning and focusing on the things you DO like about yourself, and try to eat healthy and keep up that good workout, and you’ll start thinking and feeling better about your body. I’m sure you are way too critical on yourself, as most people are (I know I am)…and it’s okay to critique yourself from time to time. but remember that you’ve got great things going for you — you’re in college so you’re smart and you will be successful, and your mom loves you (despite what she says about your cousins) and your boyfriend loves you. take a deep breath — a lot of people out there are a lot worse off, right?